


Everything I Need

by choppyVy



Series: The Final Hunt - 3B Episode Fillers [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 3x12 -3x16 Filler really, 3x16 Filler, Angst, M/M, flashback to 3x12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 21:09:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18374147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choppyVy/pseuds/choppyVy
Summary: 3x16 FillerAlec sits with Magnus at his hospital bed. Scared out of his mind, talking to an unconscious Magnus, keeping talking to Magnus is the only thing that helps Alec to not lose it completely, while Catarina is off consulting with her contact at the Spiral Labyrinth.(Begins with a flashback to 3x12 Malec morning sex scene. Hence the rating.)





	Everything I Need

_Alec’s head thrown back, Magnus mouths along Alec’s neck as he keeps thrusting his hips to meet Alec’s movement._

_Alec’s next moan is harsh, his hands gripping for Magnus hair, fisting into it, and Magnus moans just as harshly against Alec’s skin._

_“Magnus.”_

_It is all the warning he gets before Alec comes, shuddering, his body clamping down on Magnus cock, Magnus following with only a few more thrusts and moans, “Gosh, love you.”_

_Alec’s breathing is hard, “Love you,” a fresh stream of moans bleeding into each other as he feels Magnus’s cum filling him in erratic spurts._

_Magnus can feel the tell-tale sign of Alec asking him to linger inside him already. Alec’s legs cross around Magnus. ‘Stay with me,’ the unspoken plea._

_“Just a moment more.”_

_To settle with each other, not rushing on, is a rare pleasure._

_Magnus leans down again from where he is propped up on his arms marvelling at Alec._

_Their hips shift as they both move in to connect lips, deepen the kiss quickly, pulses just about to settle speeding up again._

_Breathing almost just as harsh as a moment ago, when Alec’s legs finally fall away, Magnus pulls himself out, settling next to Alec against the sheets._

_“Do you miss my cat eyes?”_

Alec is not sure what to really make of this question. Does not want to overthink it in this moment, only much later comes to think ‘Maybe I should have … overthought it,’ sitting next to Magnus, lying on a hospital bed, Alec thinking back to that morning.

Fear fills him vast and harsh of never again being allowed to lie next to his love, happily shuffling his head about after a mindblowing loving caring encounter culminating in an orgasm so exquisite it takes him a moment to settle in his own body again after, void of Magnus.

That morning they both had been so riled up, so keen, ‘So happy?’ Alec is questioning all of it now, every moment, looking for the pain hiding, hidden so well by Magnus in between the smiles and kisses.

“Magnus. … Magnus.”

Alec sheds some tears, peppers Magnus’s hand held in his with kisses, before he lets go to furiously wipe those tears away. Only to quickly move in again as soon as the job is done, interlacing their fingers. “Come back. Come back to me. Magnus, if you can hear me, like I heard you then … come back to me, please.” He leans in to place a timid kiss to Magnus’s lips.

It has tears spill again from Alec’s eyes he is too exhausted to take care of anymore. “Come back to me. I want to make the most of every moment with you too, Magnus. Please, please!”

The sob rips out of him, unstoppable. He doubles over at Magnus’s bedside, thinking, ‘I knew I wanted to ask you to marry me right there and then. I should have just asked. I should have just brought myself to say it, instead of telling you “That’s really well said”.’ Thinking back to that morning that moment hurts now, will forever haunt Alec should Magnus die.

_“That’s really well said,” Alec replies. And it is right there and then that the idea begins to bloom in his head, he doing nothing to push it back down, ‘Will you marry me?’ it almost slips from his lips in that very second, but he pulls back. Standing naked and sweaty in front of Magnus, this is not how he wants to propose to his love, ‘Magnus deserves so much more.’ And Alec, Alec is determined to find the perfect way to propose to Magnus spending those 40, 50 years they have left together as one._

“Why do I always have to plan things, to try and make them perfect. I …, I’m such an idiot. Loving you will forever be the best thing I do. Why would I try and keep that from you. For goodness sake, I asked Lydia to marry me after a hot minute and you … I. I know, I know what you would tell me right now, that things that mean something are always the harder ones to do, for anyone. Doing the thing that is real that really puts you on the line …, that I’m afraid to hear a no from you. And you are right of course, it would have meant nothing to me had Lydia said no. A headache maybe. It would shatter my world if you refused me. Asking you to move in together already had me shaking inside. I was so scared you’d say no again. That you might really just not want me in your life in that way.”

  
Alec keeps holding on, keeps rubbing warmth into Magnus’s too cold hands.

“Everything I need is right here in front of me,” Alec whispers to himself, to Magnus lying there lifeless. “Did you mean that? When we were standing there … that night. Did you mean it? I cannot help but think now that … you couldn’t have. And how could I expect you to, possibly. With everything you lost alongside your magic. All the freedom, all the peace of mind. I’d never had those things, had never felt them at all until I met you. You are my magic, Magnus. Losing you ….” Alec gulps and pales, “… and you still found the strength somewhere to care about Izzy’s pain. The danger she might come to be in of falling back into addiction. You told me right away, and I got so worried and you just held me until that feeling shrunk back into a manageable fear again. Before you, before us, I used to get so angry all the time. You’ve … you being in my life, I am a better person, knowing you, being with you I am more of me, the best parts. That is your magic to me. Not all the perks. I meant it when I told you that night I gave you the charm to protect you, … a burger from the east village is just fine by me. As long as you’re there with me to enjoy it … it’s everything.”

Alec tries to stop his breaths from coming too fast, tries to ease the pain in his chest, heart trapped in a vice only tightening. It is … to no avail. So he keeps talking, the only thing remotely making the ache lessen right now.

“Magnus, when you lost your apartment to Lorenzo and I tried to remind you you do matter … you said you cannot feel it without your magic. It hurt. It hurt me. All I could think standing there, listening to you was … I don’t love you enough. I don’t let you know enough how much I love you, how much you mean to me. Otherwise you’d not be feeling that way right now. And then … when you said you wanted to go out for drinks and I said I had to stay behind, do paperwork, I never told you, but … I snuck back to your apartment instead, waited for Lorenzo to show his face. I tried to … make him see that this what he is doing is not being a leader at all. No leader should put himself first when choices for the good of everyone need to be made. That is how I was raised. It is what made me put myself last for far too long. Am I putting you last, Magnus? If you cannot feel how much you mean to me … I’m not putting you high enough on my list of priorities, that much is clear to me now.”

Alec has to step away for a moment, use the bathroom, splash some cold water on his face after having silently bawled out his eyes, hiding in one of the stalls, hearing people come and go.

When he sits back down at Magnus’s bedside he knows what he wants to say, needs to tell “Magnus, I … I don’t know if you can hear me. But this is my fault. I was selfish.”


End file.
